Synchronicity and the wrong path

So often when we have chronic illness, we grieve the things we were able to do for ourselves and others. I tell this story as a hurray! for the little things we can do that can add up to big things.

Many synchronicities have come my way, often when I think I’m off the path. I find it gratifying that when feeling lost, I often find I am in just the right place.

Today, I got off the on the wrong floor at my medical clinic, and waited for the next elevator. I overheard a woman, distraught, talking on her phone about “…he won’t take off his shoes to go to bed.” It became obvious that the man mentioned had dementia, and she felt bereft in knowing what to do.

I waited until she finished her conversation, said excuse me, and apologized for intruding. I told her I had cared for my dad in his Alzheimer’s for years, and it changes what it means to help our loved one. I told her that it’s often the time not to need to be right, but to support the loved one’s dignity in having control over some parts of his life. For example, I got slip-on shoes for my dad, but that got too difficult to manage too, and he didn’t want people fussing with his shoes. So more often than not, he slept in his shoes (with regular foot washings, off course). She told me that this was her husband, with cancer and dementia. I told her that my heart was with her. She hugged me. I told her about the book Social Services had recommended to me when I felt lost: The 36-Hour Day, which is for family caregivers of people with dementia. I got on the elevator. She asked the name of the book again and I repeated it; as the doors closed, I overheard here repeating, “The 36-Hour Day, The 36-Hour Day….”