Coping

I first wrote this as a response to a Facebook fibromyalgia group post asking how we cope when things are really bad ~ meds don’t help; we can’t shower or even go get a drink of water.

Especially when we can’t do much else, the biggest thing is perspective, which I know is hard to keep in the moment and easier to access if we’ve worked on it and integrated it before we’re in crisis mode.

My chronic pain shrink told me to think in terms of episodes, good and difficult. I remember that during tough times. Also, meditation and mindfulness training are good to integrate into one’s psyche. To integrate it rather than just think of it, one must practice when feeling better and if possible, while not. Even during the toughest times, I can realize I am suffering and my mind is spinning, the feelings are transient emotions, and accept it. The feeling  eventually dissolves, and it is easier to live with equanimity.

I try to meditate every day. It’s often easier with guided meditation, and I use Tara Brach’s wonderful talks and guided meditations, which are free to download. My shrink also had me read Tara’s book, Radical Acceptance, which was wonderful. I also want to read her True Refuge. It turns out that she was disabled for a number of years and she talks about it in the book. I love when teachers share their vulnerabilities and foibles, and she is often funny in her stories about herself.

tarabrach.com

When my Reiki teacher passed away, one of her caregivers said that at the end, my teacher had a lot of pain but very little suffering. I try to live my life this way when needed, including during illness. I’m grateful for what I can do at any given time.

Medical marijuana helps my mood and often with pain.

I started a this blog, which is cathartic for me and hopefully of use to others. I think it’s important to let myself cry, and I blogged about the time I cried. Among other things, I also blog about things I am grateful for, which makes me feel better and I hope is interesting/of use to others. A journal might be just as good for some.

I try to set things up so I don’t feel like I’m failing ~

• Normally, I cook healthfully from scratch, but fatigue and/or pain, especially leg pain, makes that difficult. These days, we buy healthy, pre-made deli sides like kale, beets, cabbage slaw, etc., and cook a quick protein. If I’m really off, my husband leaves me food and water when he goes to work. I’ve ordered a kitchen stool so I can sit when my legs hurt and am looking forward to doing more cooking. (I’m also fine with ordering out once in awhile; in fact, here in Portland OR, there is a pizza place that will deliver wine with your pizza.)
• I can’t work and my kids are grown, so when I’m up for it, I do as much as I can for myself and others. I’m a writer by trade, and have done some offsite web writing for a nonprofit for water conservation in CA. When I’m out and about, I give any food or water I have on me to homeless people, or buy something small in the grocery for them. So, in addition to participating in the world the best I can, when I’m less mobile, feeling diminished, and focusing on cooking shows or Facebook for distraction, the things I’ve been able to do are still part of me, and help diminish the feeling of diminishment.
• I’ve always loved entertaining my friends and family; most of them are from out of town and we have a lot of house guests. Luckily, we have a number of cooks in the family and everyone is happy to pitch in. More often than not, I’ve had to cheerily send everyone off for fun away from the house. So I’ve had to adjust my expectations and that has been good practice. It really doesn’t hurt.

I  see my life as a gestalt; I’ve had many blessings and adventures, travel, work, and love (which continues). I don’t see tough times as what my life has become, but part of the unified whole that is my life.